Ceremony, Ritual and the Sacred

Pole stars in a Banal Life

Ceremony:

“a formal act or series of acts prescribed by ritual, protocol, or convention”

Ritual:

“a religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according to a prescribed order”

Sacred:

“regarded with great respect and reverence by a particular religion, group, or individual.”

Recently I’ve been giving these words a lot of thought.  As a long time Atheist, my friends question my frequent use of the words.  Let me put this to rest: all three words are equally at applicable in or out of a religious context. This is more apparent with the word’s ceremony and ritual, but is true of sacred as well.

I have been thinking about these words because our lives – particularly during the last decade – have become increasingly burdened with tragedy, hatred, and existential fear.  We use the same social media that feeds us a constant deluge of threats to blunt its results. In so doing we come across the painstakingly curated social media accounts of others who convince us that, compared to these people, we have failed, we are leading less than full lives, that we are ugly and worthless…in short everything is spinning out of control. We are in a constant state of overwhelm, fear and anxiety.

My personal ceremonies, rituals and the things I hold sacred, while far less formal than the definitions above make them out to be, are my pole stars. They ground me and give me a sense of control.  In some cases, my rituals are condemned by society’s experts as “bad habits” … actions that will have health or longevity impacts.  An example is my nightly (1 or 2) beers or glasses of wine. Yes, nightly.   Occasional out with friends, but more often at home, alone with dinner and a good TV series.   Do I have a drinking habit?  Probably.  Is it a euphemism to call it a ritual?  No.  What experts fail to consider is the positive impact of such a ritual: it is something I look forward to during the day. Not just the beer, but the ritual of slowing down. Sipping, nursing, choosing which beer or wine to have, consciously escaping into a good TV show, eating a good meal (I try to use chopsticks for all my meals because, as with an alcoholic beverage or coffee, it slows me down).

This is ritual.

The contentment I received from this ritual has health benefits.  Do the benefits counter the potential health risks?  I have no idea – but I do know that stitching together moments of contentedness over time adds up and it’s the best we can achieve during our flicker of consciousness. 

If my life is shortened by a few years – well in the long run, so what?   Even the longest-lived humans are around for but a moment.

We all have rituals (morning coffee or tea, a daily calming routine of some sort, maybe arranging your desk just so, a walk with a pet etc.).  Why do we have them?  Control, security, serenity: a counter to the chaos of life.   I am often criticized for eating the same thing day after day – it’s ritual for me.  Not everyone has the same rituals, but this is one of mine. It’s not just because I love peanut butter and jelly (I do of course), but more about knowing that something in my life is predictable.

Ceremony and the sacred:  During a recent (my first) psilocybin experience, I was struck by the way my guide enhanced the set and setting by treating my journey with exacting ceremony.  The ceremony itself created a sense of sacredness that marked my journeys (I had two) as highly significant events in my life.  Moreover, the ceremony held me in the present in a way I truly appreciated.  I blocked out the noise – in part because I was intently focused on and anxious about what was going to happen.

This experience helped me realize that I have two types of ritual in my life. The first I call “banal sacred” – which frankly is synonymous for “important routine”.  These are routines in my life that provide a degree of control and certainty and are personally important enough that I endeavor not to skip them – a daily peanut butter and jelly sandwich for example.  Banal rituals are not always pleasant and on occasion not healthy (think over exercising). I am aware that some of the banal sacred rituals in my life are maladaptive and that I may be better served if I worked to eliminate them.  I have tried – therapy, meditation etc.   I have been unsuccessful and found that releasing myself from a sense of obligation to eradicate them helps me lead a more fulfilled life. If I were younger and had more time on the horizon I would likely continue to work on eradicating certain of these banal sacred rituals, but honestly the best I can hope for is another 20-25 good years and I’d rather not continue on my past cycle of determination to change followed by disappointment for failing. So, I embrace them.

A second tier is a more recently added definition of sacred and conforms with the accepted level of reverence and respect due an infrequent and highly important ritual or happening.  This type of sacred ritual is not necessarily a daily practice or even a common one, but rather reserved for rituals such as the referenced psilocybin tea ceremony.  These are always beneficial, important and meaningful rituals.  Some people may, through religious practice, meditation, yoga or other practices experience this type of sacred ritual daily.  As noted, I don’t participate in any of these practices, but I believe I get a similar level of fulfillment with the infrequent sacred rituals in my life.

Notably, the psilocybin ritual helped me achieve a level of comfort and respect for an end-of-life ritual. In a previous essay I discussed assisted suicide.  I am a member of Dignitas. In the event I am faced with a debilitating illness I will use their service. In a way similar to the psilocybin tea ceremony, their end-of-life process involves the subject drinking a phenobarbital mixture.  This, if it is the way my life ends, will, of course, be the most sacred ceremony of my life.

Thus, the three words ritual, ceremony and sacred are hugely important in my life.  I suspect all of us depend, to a degree, on, at least ritual.  Some of our rituals are sacred, some banal sacred and some are imbued with ceremony. All provide some contentment, serenity and a sense of control in an increasingly chaotic world. All are subjective. For some they might be largely religious in nature. For other, like me, no religion is involved. They may fly in the face of what the “experts” say is good for us, but it’s a tradeoff we are willing to take for the benefit we personally derive.

I get frustrated when I read or listen to pieces by “experts” equating my rituals and ceremonies with self-damaging behaviors – for too many years I struggled to change who I am because I listened.  I now realize that most of my rituals and ceremonies, bring me serenity.  I feel content for a moment.  That matters.   The cost?  Well, I certainly don’t advocate continuing a ritual if the cost of doing so exceeds the benefit (i.e., you are experiencing serious negative health / professional / personal impact because of alcohol – probably best to exclude some or all alcohol from your life). 

Unfortunately, in our culture all potentially “harmful” habits – that for me may be components of important rituals are viewed in a binary fashion.  They are bad or they are good.  No in between. I choose to see the nuance.  I do my own subjective cost benefit analysis. I realize that NO decision that I take is without tradeoff.  As a result, I am far more satisfied with life now than I was when succumbing to the binary view of, well, everything.

I personally couldn’t continue to live without my banally sacred rituals, sacred rituals and the accompanying ceremony. I find peace and solace in my rituals.  

How about you?